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July 29, 2007
Helena Zheng
Helena Zheng is a friend of mine. She is part of a small group of engineers that I lunch with almost very Monday. (Yes, they are all women.) Helena came to the US from the China when she was 18. She studied at the University of Texas in Austin where she earned both a BSEE and an MSEE in electrical and computer engineering. She is smart, open, engaging and a good natured tease. She has an unusually broad range of interests. Tomorrow she leaves to take a new job in China. Helena will be the head of an engineering team that she will be building for a startup company there.
Some time ago, Helena wrote a little note about her pilgrimage. She has given me permission to post it here.
Am I an Outsider?Being an obviously Chinese looking person in the U.S., I have been frequently asked, “Where are you from”? It is a simple question with a long answer.
Where I am from? Where do I belong? It was a difficult question for me to answer.
I was raised by my grandparents from 6 month to 6 years in a small town called “Ping Yang” in southern China. When I was in Ping Yang, everybody referred me as the “Girl From Beijing”. They knew that I would not stay there as the rest of them, and one day I would leave for Beijing. So, I felt I was just a visitor to the place. It was not my home.At the age of six, I went to Beijing. When I saw the unfamiliar faces of my parents and the house I had never set a foot in, I instantly identified myself as the person from “Ping Yang”. I felt I belong to Ping Yang. Ironically, after 12 years of feeling that one day I will go back to Ping Yang, I came to the United States at the age of 18 to study Electrical Engineering at the University of Texas at Austin.
The difference between China and the U.S. was so huge, I would have never imaged I would consider this place to be my home. With the full intention of staying in the states, I never thought I would ever consider myself an American. Five years later, I was in California interviewing for a job. The interviewer was from Texas as well. During the break, I asked him, “You have been in California for 8 years, what do you think of Texas?” “It is my home, it will always have a special place in my heart.” Somehow, I resonate with him. Strangely, Texas does feel like home to me as well.
For most of the next 5-10 years, I’ve been telling people I am from Texas. Despite the interesting look on people’s face implying the question “aren’t you a Chinese?”
About a year ago, I faced was with a decision of whether or not to become an U.S. citizen. It was a tough decision for me. In my mind, I would always be a Chinese. Though I had been in the U. S. all of my adult life, with the full intention of staying here.
I discussed this with one of my friends, who had German origin and identifies with my problem. I asked him “what should I do, if there were a war between China and the U.S.? I can never kill a Chinese”. He looked at in the eye, and asked “Helena, even now, will you ever kill me?” “Of course not,” I answered without even thinking. Of course not. I will never hurt any of my friends. I though about my answer for a long time.
I just realized that I was no longer an outsider. It is not about where I am from. It is not about where I think I am from. I am from the people and the community that I connect to everyday. I have black friends live next door who are from Africa, I have white friends who I have lunch with once in a while, I have Japanese friends who would be consider as enemies by most Chinese because of World War II, and I have so many friends from Taiwan. I am very luck to have the opportunity to be in so many places, and have friends with so many different backgrounds. It is this mix of all the cultures and friends that I belong and endorse. I am from Ping Yong. I am from Beijing. I am from Texas. I am from California. I am from everywhere. I am not an outsider. I just belong to too many places.
Helena Zheng
Helena did become a United States citizen. And now she returns to the land of her birth as a foreigner.
While modern technology will allow us to keep in touch, I will miss our long discussions. I will miss those moments when we didn't quite communicate. I will miss her smile. My life will not be as rich with Helena in China.
Farewell, Helena! Come visit us often.
Posted by Duane Smith at July 29, 2007 3:19 PM | Read more on Odds and Ends |
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